This week as I was coming home from a day of hustling and I entered our home with a simple thought that maybe many get to experience day in and day out. I have now lived in Tacoma, WA for 2 years and 3 months. If you know me personally, you might recall I moved here from Hawaii, after living there for 25 years. Well that thought was merely "gosh it feels good to be home" and to me what that feels like is ah... my place of recharge, the space that fills me up, the place I feel safe and most importantly the space in which I feel loved. Basic human needs after all right? Well in my book of life that hasn't always been the case as a matter a fact its been years since my soul has arrived some place physical and an overwhelming feeling of HOME is the result of what my body and core are experiencing.
I wanted to write about this today because its lessons learned in healing, from my past, of spirit, and healing of the possibilities of a future. You see being a survivor of domestic abuse, mothering my child that was a victim of child abuse by her father during the shared visitation proceeding divorce. Not really having a place of your own to call home for the last 10 years is a very unsettling place to be. It wears on a person core, not in the struggle a homeless person might experience, more over similar to PTSD. As you read this I wonder if you know the meaning of such a term, if you have ever looked it up? So that we're on the same page of depth Id like to share with you now and just what it means. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental disorder that some people develop after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying, life-threatening event (or series, in my case) such as sexual assault, welfare, traffic collisions, or natural disasters. Looking back on those 10 years I admit the PTSD developed from everything I just mentioned and more. For me this meant living from a place of fight-or-flight response for years! I'm going to go out on a limb here and say while we have all heard the term, even as a victim one might not really have the capacity to fully understand it until they our on the other side looking back at it. Today I want this post to be less about the past and more about the goodness that comes from such darkness. I have had people tell me for years "Genevieve you need to tell your story". Well that time has come and while I can't promise you I will dot my I's and cross my T's in all the right places, I am aware of my shortcomings with this and in grammar. I am dedicated to growing and will continue to adjust my sail along the way, so please be patient. If my shares are of interest to you, I promise to keep it real. If your wondering at all why I have chosen my blog business page to put such personal information out there. I can tell you this, with me what you see is what you get and just as I have raised my soon to be 13 year old daughter "I don't have time to sugar coat this life, the only way I know how is by being honest and always doing my best. Setting foot into my home Thursday night as my feet took that step in it was like that sip of coffee after my summertime detox, its like taking in that full breath the air within the bamboo forest trail hike in Maui, or riding horseback through the old sugarcane fields. Its that almost unquenchable consumption of yet of feelings. There was one other time I vividly felt so moved in a moment though it was early on in my move to Washington while the high was the same I just didn't understand it at the time. I believe many call this feeling freedom and to me it just feels like HOME. While I may seem very public to some I think I'm actually a very private person. You will catch me freely boasting on my beautiful daughter Summer as she is the very best thing that I created in this life. What you don't often hear me speak about is the fact that I'm very much aware that I have had to make some very bold and courageous hard life choices. As a result meeting and sharing our lives with a man that is humble, strong, loves with boundaries, lacks jealously, beautiful parenting role model, and takes great care of him self as well as my daughter and I. My life would not be what it is in this very moment if I did not have his support in my personal and professional life and for this I know I am beyond blesses for all he gives and loves unconditionally. I have never experienced or have I been mirrored such union of a healthy relationship as the one that is right before me here and now. For I recall the days I prayed, looked deep into the mirror, cried countless snotty tears, speed read every self-help book I could find, and from the top of Haleakala screamed why in the hell is all this happening to me and why oh why do I have to do this alone. Well that is no longer my song. Don't get me wrong though this is my blog, not Facebook and so I will be the first to tell you that does NOT mean that now my life is easy, and that I don't have stuff. The PTSD still creeps in and it has nothing to do with my partner. If I've said it once Ive said it a thousand times. We all have stuff, and my stuff doesn't weigh more than yours, it's just perspective. Once we see that, how do we adjust the sail as we need to, so that we keep moving forward. Believe me who would have thought Tacoma of all places is what I'd call home. Yet this HOME is a place where my story begins, because life is sometimes funny like that. Blessings to all that read this crazy little post
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Sensitivity – 27 Basic Human Needs 5/10/18
Today as I scrolled through my Facebook On This Day memories what showed up was a great post from 2012 just 6years ago when I had the pleasure of documenting a Women’s Helping Women’s fundraiser. This event was held at the Maui Arts & Culture Center in Hawaii and was Women Helping Women’s 15th annual Elegant Afternoon Tea event. If you have some idea what this organization might be about I can clear things up by sharing it is nonprofit and located on the island of Maui in the State of Hawaii. In specific their mission is to end domestic violence through advocacy, education and preventing and to offer safety, support and empowerment to women and children, victims of domestic violence. In short a landing spot for women and children in trouble and in need of what options are available to them. I was asked to document this event because of my professional photography reputation in Hawaii and maybe a bit for my personal relationship with a few at this organization that were there to help myself and my child over the many many years prior as a result of our own personal domestic abuse by my ex-husband. Heaven knows the hotline number had been on my list of contacts for year’s way before the birth of my child, and after her birth had even utilized the shelter program, Temporary Restraining Orders on several occasions which sometimes lead to Protective Orders. Needless to say I was very familiar with the worth of such an asset in our community and collaborating to help them shine their light that much brighter was a no brainer. Though what most don’t know is on the morning I was heading out to document this event I was still struggling with my own domestic abuse. Even though I was divorced, how I had come to learn often in these situations of worth and domestic abuse paperwork means nothing to a mentally ill abuser suffering from his own demons and addiction. Yet on this day I had a job to-do and at the time I thought there wasn’t time for me to be sensitive around my own struggles, because when you’re living a life in that way often that is as horrible as it sounds, normal. The purpose of my post today is to stir the pot around the word “sensitivity”. If you have just joined in and following my blog post, today being day 3 of a 27 day series around basic human needs in a book I’m reading called Slow Beauty Rituals and Recipes as a means to assist my spirit in the continued healing process of my life. In combination of day to day living and the review of what the word “sensitivity” provokes within me after seeing the imagery from 6 years ago today speaks volume on feelings, memories and desire to always know what I was doing was deeper and for something larger than myself. Being labeled as too sensitive then, who knew it was really the key to experiencing the depth of life I am blessed to live from now. If any part of my story resonates on some strange level with you, just know you’re not alone. Know that I swear to you that tiny little voice with in is your guide to push on, to for heaven sakes ASK for another’s help and to believe in yourself. You deserve that much and if you have children, your children deserve it, they deserve to see it in you. Its life by example, not by words, not the past, not even maybe the now but by example. Now I want to share something else with you here, I’ve been saying this a lot recently. One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn in the past 10 year is “asking another for help” especially someone I either didn’t know or whom I could never repay. I know we all read things that say something like this all the time and have you been in a sitiation you needed to apply it though? “”Sensitivity deepens the experiences of what life has to offer and enlarges our apprehension and appreciation of it.” – Slow Beauty. I think being maybe a bit too sensitive is just what this world needs to see more of. One of my assignments this week involved a mortgage advisor and her client. My assignment was rather simple, to set up an appointment, meet with her client and partner to capture a few simple visuals as a means to create a face to their personal story.
All too often we hurry through life knowing what we know and being too busy to take on much else. However, in this case it was my next project that I needed to deliver. What was learned, I felt compelled to share in this post today. This was the first assignment of such a nature, and what I knew for sure was how much I enjoy that my client that I was working with and what was being learned from stepping into anew and getting to use my camera to create somewhat of a story with the imagery. After many attempts to secure an appointment with my clients, the day had finally come and in my mind all was in perfect order and balance. What I was about to learn was how much of a help Stephanie, the mortgage advisor, had been to her client Perla in her home loan process. Now I don’t know about you, yet like Perla there is a lot of fear around can I qualify for a home loan. Do you know that kind of angst? I know I do, never the less it has been my experience when we get really tender and asked for guidance, amazing things can happen. Often in exploring for a home loan, providing paperwork and financial information the word “easy” would not be something that shows up. Though it did for Perla’s story because Stephanie and her team lead this woman from beginning to end like a smooth ride. What I feel makes this mortgage lenders Stephanie successful is being all ears, very patient, having empathy for people circumstances and devotion of nurture. Simply checking-in to see how her client was doing created a relationship and by doing so it made her feel amazing, Enabling Perla to feel supported and achieve the goals for her family as well as attaining her new home. Which brings me back to the purpose of this post... friendship in life and in business, it’s all the same. Now this was just one example of how we can intertwine authenticity and meaningful interaction both professionally and personally for a deeper and richer life. I promise you the relationships you build when you create from the space of companionship, goodwill, and understanding will be the most fulfilling and loyal friendships you will create in this lifetime. In this case Stephanie the mortgage lender, didn’t just create a larger portfolio she created another great human relationship, because she was genuine and worked with Perla from a space of valuing friendships as she cherished and nurtured the association. In conclusion if you or someone you know would be interested in connecting with Stephanie Grassi about qualifications for a home loan feel free to reach out to her and her team 253-224-1760 or [email protected] Love is warm like sunshine, makes us smile, is light in both weight and color, love can fill us with joy upon approach, it bears hope, love is large in a vastness like the sky, it is soft and pure mirroring how grace feels, love is free and can not be bound by time. When we feel the vibration is present and felt many like I wish to fill our soul with it as if bathing in the fountain of youth for the cellular level is so refreshing and new.
One of my most treasured memories of love came just after I gave birth to my daughter on July 27th 2005. While it didn't happen seconds after birth as an outsider reading this might guess. When that moment did come was that night after her birth, after all the visitors, the father had departed for the night. It was just after 9:45pm and she wasn't but 13 hours new. The nurse entered my room and asked if I would like to see and hold my daughter. Of course I said YES, though what happened next would forever change who I am today by shifting my soul, my spirit and landing my early experience of self worth. After the nurse handed her over to me and backed out of the room looking deep into her itsy bitsy eye's I felt a warmth come over my body that raised me so high it felt spiritual. For within that hiccup of time all that I had ever craved was right there within my arms, living, breathing, heartbeat and all with the sweetest calming eyes dialed right into me. It was then that every ounce of that moment hit my spiritual veins & my soul. While this raw and fundamental experience was almost 13 years ago. I suppose I have since been rather on a mission to do my best and be aware as to what available outlets I could share and show my love in the ways I individually know. Believe me this has not been a clear and strait path and there has been many twist and turns to say the least. Receiving love in the form I required was a biggie for it would have to come from truth and throw in that unconditional form for the best and most powerful medicine. For me to express my love I need to really look into ones eyes, feel the volume of truth and purity in their essence When the day should come that I take my last breath I would like to think I know exactly how I it will taste for it is by far the very essence of love and the greatest love of my life. |